"It is not about finding the perfect person, it is more about being the perfect one."
I know, it is easier said than done when it comes to marriage where two [entirely] different persons come together to walk a common path... I am not a marriage counsellor but being married (to the same man) for almost a decade now, I feel honest enough to share my own thoughts.
If I look at my own journey, I can comfortably state what it means to come to a common understanding.
Yes, I was like any other girl who dreamt of marrying a 'tall, dark and handsome' man who would sweep me off my feet with flowers, chocolates and gifts. I wanted to live a fairytale-like life - with the Prince of my dreams.
I was lucky enough to meet a man, who may not be 'the Prince I dreamt' but who in every way is a man worth defining. Wait on...our click wasn't destined, but created. The first few years of our marriage was like what they say "hell broken loose". When I narrate few incidents such as 'I tore off few of his T-shirts' or 'I used to wail with undue sympathy', everyone thinks I am cooking up stories. I am not. Then (feels like long time ago), both KP and I were immature in our relation. He had his set of expectations and me mine. Neither of us wanted to owe up our faults but waited for the other to break the virtues.
Lolo entered our world and we became 'mutually respectable and understanding' overnight.
Until recent times, I continued my expectations (lesser though) from KP. If he sat on the dewan watching TV, I wished he would brush off the cobwebs. If he basked in the sun reading a book, I wished he would rather level the firewood pile outside. Likewise, I always had wild thoughts running in my mind hoping he would read them somehow. And if he didn't, I felt bad... he wouldn't know, so it was "I" always.
Slowly, I convinced myself to think straight.
I promised to see the good side of my Husband, irrespective. I am happy that he doesn't go bar hopping or gambling. I am thankful that he cooks dinner and takes care of the children when I am out of the house, so much so my gratitude that he religiously washes his own la-gye every weekend. KP never misses his prayers, and I am thankful for this habit of his. He respects my independence (although at times he thinks I am overly independent) and never comments on my needs and wants. For certain, I know he will not betray me with infidelity (some friends caution me when I say this, but then if you don't begin with trust, you will never know what it means to be trusted).
So, instead of complaining for things he doesn't do as I want, I thank him for being the sober man. I remind myself that he also has his own space to move around, and where we are required to think and be like one, we will. Else, he and I are two different people with different likes and dislikes. Just as much as I won't let him influence my life, I will not allow the same with him. We are a couple, indeed, but we are T.W.O persons.
Thus, this is the same story I tell my friends when I hear them crib about their wives or husbands. We have chosen to walk the common path - walk if we must, but let's respect individuality at the end of the day.
To find perfection in another person, begin with defining the same in you.
Note: For days, I have been talking about marriage, love and future with my friends and colleagues. With each passing day, I am beginning to relish life all the more again, and with it comes the beauty of being happily married.