Yes, I am so right to think of life as a beautiful garden, especially after becoming a mother. Motherhood, in many ways have molded me to a better way and Lolo has become the crucial and necessary source of all positive energies.
But Lolo has a tough side which is so expected of her, for all the things that we have come through. Until recently, I was to read something which has been there in my spam folder for the past 19 months. It's a mail that was written to me (and my family) during the worst times in our lives, where the writer has expressed huge amount of anger, sadness and torment. The unsigned letter has so much to say to us, to our beings and to our conscience.
But my reaction is not that. During those days (spring of 2012), we were so overwhelmed with excitement at the prospect of welcoming someone in our family. Everyone floated with the news and wanted nothing bad but happiness, happiness and happiness. The un-named life was our source of energy and we sure shot said s/he will be the biggest change for good.
Obviously, not everything is in our hand that some things went out of control and we were to face ordeals for wrongs never done. As a mature person, I would have wanted to spell out and talk it out, but we need two hands to clap. Anyway, I am trying to bring to the understanding that Lolo's tough nature certainly is a by-product of the fight I put through then.
Fast forward 19 months. I read the mail with the most refreshing memory I dare not forget even when I am on the pyre. I wanted to do what any human would have done, but NO - that's not my fight anymore. I was made to think of the beautiful daughter we have today, how much we adore and love her. And she is a complete package, full of life and surprises. (Pardon me, I can talk volumes about Lolo!) If it wasn't for those daring moments, I and my Hubby wouldn't be cherishing the little joy in our hands the way we do today. Lolo is the symbol of that phase of our lives and she gave us so much to look forward to.
I feel we don't really need God to judge us when we can judge ourselves. We also don't need our words, habits and character to be the final destiny when we can pave our own destiny. Life is seldom a chance and many a choices. I made my choices with no tinge of regret. This all, because my daughter's life teaches me more than I ought to learn.
Seriously, I have no energy to put up another fight. I am even exhausted to get angry at someone. Come on now, there is more to life than mere vengeance, remorse and regret. There is more to life when you have a huge source of energy like Lolo at home.