For the first time in eight months, Lolo is down with cold (which she apparently caught from me) and for the first time she is fussy. This worries all of us, me especially when I can't bear to see my otherwise super-duper active girl drooped to a collapsed figure.
Last to last night, she had bad fever and her body felt like a furnace. We were awake at the wee hours of the night nursing and entertaining her. Motherhood prepares you for beautiful times but times like this are hard to be battled. Thankfully, she is a little better this morning. I just hope she is even better as I sit in office writing this article.
I still haven't learnt to complain about being busy round the clock, but often I wish there was something different even for a day. Like I wake up to the same routine and end with just the same routine. Should there be some offers of change, I am made to think not twice but hundred times, ultimately meeting with a flat denial because I can't afford a change!
I was home full-time baby sitting just two weeks ago. Lolo and I woke up at the same time, we were play-dates the entire days and we had so many more things to do together. When we got bored staying inside, we went out and talked to the wind. My Lolo is a big fan of nature that she loves open air and insists being taken out most of the day.
Yet, for the last few days Lolo looked pale and deflated. It even showed some eye-bags. Her chubby hands became lifeless. She wouldn't eat or feed, not to mention her motionless figure. Looking at her, it made me wish she never had to undergo any such moments and like I wrote a friend, how I wish they spoke sooner! Right now, it's like she has million things to complain but she can't and we have to assume ourselves.
People blame that I am a first-time fussy mother. I won't buy that easily. I am completely freaked out because my baby is still a baby and what I can care now is what will matter for the rest of her life. This sounds sacrificial but yes, that it is. Over the last two years, I have kept myself put for many many things, simply for the reason that my baby deserves her childhood to be the best.
And when she is unwell like this, it makes me think more defensive than ever. I know sitting in office and pretending to work while my entire mind is with her is also a fallacy. So, I got here and am leaving this note to my girl - "Get well soon Lolo and give us the sound of laughter!"