Monday, October 15, 2012

Conversation with God...and I

How I enjoy the solitude, only I know! Especially when my mind is wide open and I let all the wild thoughts run inside me. These are perhaps the only time I remember God (if there be one) in the truest needs. And I His faithful servant.

My life in the last one year has been the most happening - family-wise, friend-wise and also work-wise. On the former front, I just can't believe how things turned out to be. One time it was my people in the drama, other times people from my Hubby's side, but at the end of the day, those who mean good stick by you anyway and those otherwise are worth otherwise. Till date, this is one episode I refuse to let go off - any time I am alone, I think of those bad times. I feel worse at end, imagining how one earth I was made to face all those ordeals. And then there is this unseen force (name it as "God") who gives me all the console I need. The voidness around me shows it was a test I passed, with great pride and delight. I am so much thankful to the situations and the people who created them, for they have given a good start to my life.

When we go for rides, KP often portrays the rare side of his nature - being hurt just as much. It isn't him to take anything to heart but this time round, both of us were victimized for the wrongs we never did. I take his hands and assure that we will be alright, and right beside me stands this God who again assures that all will be alright. True enough, we are faring well despite the pains, hurt and sadness around us.

In bed, before we drift to sleep, we again talk about the turn of events. With this trauma, we cross the thin boundary into sleep and wake up with the thankfulness that we made it again for another glorious day. Often, even in the sleep I am conversing with God! How many times I say the same thing that it's OK to be wronged, OK to be hurt, OK to forgive and forget - I am reciting the lines like it's a mastery for keeps.

Thankfully, the continued conversation helps us feel better. I shall not wait for the judgment day, the judgment is done everyday. I am so assured that God keeps the best for the last - after everything, this is there - our love and happiness.

KP calls me Zala-Abi and says I am no better. When I called him Langur, he thought I was unreasonable. But we both trust this unseen phantom God and we keep our vows strong. Oh by the way, the last conversation I had with God...and I was: "Dear God, for all the wrongs in the world, let the single right be stronger and more matured". And God said, "Silly you, you speak insane. That's why there is only one God and many devils against me." I laughed myself to sleep... for another glorious day. 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Trying NOT to complain!

Lately, we are going through a financial crisis and it worries me much, perhaps more than what it worries my Hubby. He for one is a man who can stand any kind of situation hitting him and says we will make through. I like to applaud his calmness, if only that were some kind of solace anywhere.

Worse when you parents begin to join in the worry-line. I nowhere wanted them to be a part of this game, they had their enough share while we grew up and now that they are to be relaxed and at home, they shouldn't feature in this drama. Last to last evening, when we went to the town to buy a new piece of furniture, Apa offered his contribution. Very kind of him but must be beg, borrow or steal, we swore not to burden our parents anymore than this.

But that's OK. Everything is momentary, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always a hope called "Everything will be alright one tomorrow (who cares when that tomorrow may come!)". In a way, such situations intangibly help to foster closer relationship and intense thoughts. 

I always blame our little desires for creating such moments. If we hadn't invested our little savings in the new car, may be we wouldn't be fighting odds to end. But then, we civil servants are at the mercy of borrowed investment, without which we will retire being nothing, with nothing. Just think of it - one person's earning is completely into paying rent and consumption for the month. The other person's earning goes into miscellaneous expenses, often your expenditure exceeds your earnings. And to say we are not that lavish kind, you know we are very optimum with our expenditure. Then?

That was the time when we decided to give ourselves a challenge to our survival. We borrowed from all sources possible and made a small investment. Surprisingly, days moved on and debts are followings their own tolls of replacement. Very certain of my parents to worry too much for us but we assure that we are still better off ( the way KP puts his communication skills :)).

As I told a friend, having the right hands to hold is the biggest solace around. A look at KP and I know that he and I will make through the struggles together, with or without the luxuries of life. I am blessed to have him understanding me at his best and it's indeed a pleasure to share every piece of happiness and worry together. Because love is the biggest blessing of all.