"It has come to my notice..." seems to speak my heart almost every now and then, every time there is a new thing happening. My life in the last few months has been taking a roller coaster ride - you know up, down, up, down.
One evening, I confided to my Hubby, "Darls, when will we be ever happy and settled?" Without a doubt, he said, "We will be, one day." But the truth is, the day shall never come. That night in bed, I revisited my past, day by day, event by event. To what people call me 'a strong woman' just because I stand through each ordeal like a well-trained soldier, I seem to have given myself to toughness and fight. True to anyone's observation, I stand through the test of time with all possible patience, rationality and strength. Thus, I have come so far.
That was the moment when I decided I will give a fresh start to my life - from this day on. I am so tired of complaining, of wishing for the right things to happen, of wanting a better day for myself. Unless I make one for myself.
So long as I continue to dwell in this samsara, I will not be devoid of any sufferings, pains or emotions. There will be people who will like me, who will dislike me, who will love me, who will hate me. There will be moments of joys, happiness, sadness, frustration, gain, loss and what-nots. If I were to go with the flow of each, I will never come at good terms with life. Thus, I have started reading "Gyeltse Laglhen" again.
Yes, there are so many things I need to be thankful about - for instance, the little ounces of happiness that come and go by. I was at the hospital last afternoon undergoing a scan. The radiologist said something funny to which I blurted out a squeaky laugh, almost throwing off his instrument. And in that serene sound of the moment, I sounded so happy and content. What a wonder why I couldn't be that way all the time?
Back home, I took a nap and slept like a little baby. I was empty of any feeling, any thought. When I woke up for a quick lunch, I felt reborn. I wanted to jump around with the feeling of lightness - all because I gave myself in for not-thinking-too-much about anything, or anyone.
Hence, my starting note is to say that with the fresh new look of my blog, I am here to entertain my readers with positive energy from thus on. No more complains, no more rattling here. I am going to rejoice my life every single moment and be good to myself. This is my pledge.