Friday, April 18, 2014

To my Lolo, from your Mama

Suddenly, I am so emotional after reading an article online about a father's efforts in memory of his two-and-half-year daughter who passed away in her sleep one fateful night, very recently on April 3. (https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/stolen-moments-larry-carroll-fundly-savannah-savvy-182856477.html)

I have a daughter and I completely feel with this father's pain and grief. My prayers for the family thus resulted in me writing this letter to my daughter Lolo:

"Dear Lolo,

I am writing you this letter straight from work. It's almost 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon, I imagine you sleeping or at your best, haunting the house with your Grands, something we have come to accept as a part of your adventures. You are one restless girl, you know that right? For hours, you can be on move, never once losing your lovely smile and the funny faces coming from you. 

I read an article online about a family who lost their little girl few weeks ago. The pain of the parents, especially the father's is still very intense that I could feel through each of his word. In each word, I saw you in the shoes of their late daughter and I was almost to tears thinking what if it were me in the place of the father. Darling, I probably won't recover from the pain (touchwood) if that was the case.

Every morning, you are the first face in my reflection. I, like a crazy lover stare at you for minutes before I pull myself off the bed. You have magnetic that you keep me glued to you. Last night, we were awake in the wee hours of the night to prepare your feed. Even in the darkest night, your silhouette is like a candle and I could find everything within a hold under your reflection. Bingo! We could make the feed perfectly in my worst sleepy state.

You are not only a lovely child but also a very fascinating human. In your spell, we are all poets and writers and thinkers. You have given us a new dimension to defining love and affection.

Having said all these, I hold on to my life to hope nothing but best for you. Then, I feared death and now I fear MORE. I fear about the life I will lose because of you, I fear for the moments I will never have and I fear for the worst things, ever. Life's impermanence keeps me agile and now it keeps ever more cautious for the life I gave in you, my daughter.

Lolo, as we grow old each day, let's pray hard to long on for a longest time. Let's celebrate life in every way. Let's make more 'stolen moments'.

With this, let's pray for the Savvy's return in the girl her parents are looking for. We send our prayers and wishes for her quick return.

Yours Mama."

Friday, April 4, 2014

Lolo - She Who Proves All Myths Wrong!

I have been itching to write this article for a long time but the excuse of being too busy shames me effortlessly. Anyway, here it is:

For the first time mother I was going to be, I was held with the million superstitions and hundred dos and don'ts that came from generations across. Obvious to the fact that a mother would want nothing less for her child, I in my own ways of protection wanted to reserve the best efforts in bringing up Lolo.

Lolo today is almost 15 months, 'very healthy' as everyone remarks and 'the most amiable child', says my parents who nurtured seven children of their own and fourth grandchildren in the row. Lolo's journey so far has been a blessed one (touch wood!) and we are very grateful for her kindness in being a nice girl.

1. NO Lactogen or Cerelac!
- I was warned and cautioned against feeding supplements, with weird reasons like they burst the child's physic and weight without much retentivity and also that the baby tends not to taste anything else after them.

No - my Lolo proves this wrong. I breastfed her exclusively for five and half months until she showed healthy signs to intake solids. To prepare her digestive system, I began with porridge form of cerelac and gradually added vegetable, fruits and cereal flavours. She was also introduced to Lactogen formula after her 6th month, in events I couldn't go to feed her.

This variety of tastes has in fact given Lolo a good range of choices and it also proves easy to feed her when she gets too tired with the same taste of good. For instance, when we travel she is on cerelac and Lolo shows no problem unlike other babies who are struck to their routine diet. 

2. Single Teething is Perilous
- Indeed it was, the first time Lolo started teething. She had loose motions for three days in row and she was totally deflated. It worried us so much. But well, that was it - from next time onwards, her single tooth, one at a time, shot out without any change in her mood. This proven myth is therefore not applicable for a child like Lolo.

3. NO Bottle Feeding - Loose Motion?
- Yes, this is what everyone says. But I think it depends on what level of hygiene you maintain. Now that Lolo is completely weaned, she is on bottle feeding and she is doing absolutely fine.

4. Tough to Wean, is it?
- I was to go for a week's trip and everyone worried how Lolo would manage. I fed her the morning I left with the biggest worry in my heart (keeping the promise that I shall not travel until Lolo completed her first birthday). When I came back after a week, Lolo showed no sign of any pain in her eyes. Not even for a moment she had given any trouble to anyone in my absence. My mother in her words explained, "Your daughter is a Buddha!" (She truly is :)) I had dreaded this transition based on most of the hilarious stories I had heard - like mothers applying bitter juices around the nipples, or making scary cotton faces on the breasts. My efforts were nowhere near them, it came very natural.

5. Fat Babies don't walk so soon
- Lolo's road to health chart shows she is on the border line - the upper line. Her weight has been progressive over the months, meaning she is a healthy child. Everyone predicted that fat babies don't walk so soon, yet Lolo began to sit at five months, crawled at ten months and two weeks later she started to stand on her own. By her first birthday, Lolo was on her feet. Drop by one of these days to our house, and you will see what mess our house is in!

6. Babies lose weight once they walk
- Lolo hasn't! My Hubby's Maymay Lama lifted Lolo and exclaimed, "Are you sure she is NOT made of lead?" Lolo continues to enjoy the title of being a chubby child, despite the energy bomb that she is. Her excitement of being able to stand on her feet is expressed with the total freedom to keep walking around even if the situation doesn't demand her. She is the most restless child I have seen seen so far!

7. Weak mother, weak baby
- Talk of it and tell me now. For some reasons, I haven't been able to gain weight since years ago and this might partly explain why I stopped feeding Lolo. But my Lolo - she keeps herself good. She sleeps well, eats well and is super-duper active. Certainly she is not a weak baby. But she is twice my face! Ha-ha.

As she grows, I hope Lolo will prove wrong to all the fallacies of the world. She is the chosen one and she makes me feel so fortunate to be her mother. Watching Lolo grow has given me the best meaning of my life. I owe her one, very very much.


Monday, March 10, 2014

Lolo - Our Positive Energy

Yes, I am so right to think of life as a beautiful garden, especially after becoming a mother. Motherhood, in many ways have molded me to a better way and Lolo has become the crucial and necessary source of all positive energies. 

But Lolo has a tough side which is so expected of her, for all the things that we have come through. Until recently, I was to read something which has been there in my spam folder for the past 19 months. It's a mail that was written to me (and my family) during the worst times in our lives, where the writer has expressed huge amount of anger, sadness and torment. The unsigned letter has so much to say to us, to our beings and to our conscience. 

But my reaction is not that. During those days (spring of 2012), we were so overwhelmed with excitement at the prospect of welcoming someone in our family. Everyone floated with the news and wanted nothing bad but happiness, happiness and happiness. The un-named life was our source of energy and we sure shot said s/he will be the biggest change for good. 

Obviously, not everything is in our hand that some things went out of control and we were to face ordeals for wrongs never done. As a mature person, I would have wanted to spell out and talk it out, but we need two hands to clap. Anyway, I am trying to bring to the understanding that Lolo's tough nature certainly is a by-product of the fight I put through then. 

Fast forward 19 months. I read the mail with the most refreshing memory I dare not forget even when I am on the pyre. I wanted to do what any human would have done, but NO - that's not my fight anymore. I was made to think of the beautiful daughter we have today, how much we adore and love her. And she is a complete package, full of life and surprises. (Pardon me, I can talk volumes about Lolo!) If it wasn't for those daring moments, I and my Hubby wouldn't be cherishing the little joy in our hands the way we do today. Lolo is the symbol of that phase of our lives and she gave us so much to look forward to.

I feel we don't really need God to judge us when we can judge ourselves. We also don't need our words, habits and character to be the final destiny when we can pave our own destiny. Life is seldom a chance and many a choices. I made my choices with no tinge of regret. This all, because my daughter's life teaches me more than I ought to learn. 

Seriously, I have no energy to put up another fight. I am even exhausted to get angry at someone. Come on now, there is more to life than mere vengeance, remorse and regret. There is more to life when you have a huge source of energy like Lolo at home.